The Heart that Cries
by Cathy Daine
Summary: Usagi is emotionally broken after her last relationship. She is drowning in darkness and her heart is crying. Will her old enemy, Mamoru, be able to help her retrieve her dazzling light?


Hi People!

I'm really sorry about the lack of updates! Please forgive me! Life has been somewhat of a pain now. Hopefully I'll start updating my other stories now in the coming weeks so keep a lookout!

This story is partially based on the demise of my own relationship recently and I really needed to get it off my chest.

This story is therefore quite near my heart so please read and review!

Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon or any of the characters.

* * *

The Heart that Cries

Chapter 1

The rose garden was unusually quiet as the sun continued its journey to the other side of the planet.

"Usako, wait!" a young man called as he ran after the flash of blond hair as it disappeared into the garden. "Usako!" he called again as he finally caught up and stopped her. "Don't run away from me, Usako," he pleaded with her as she kept her face turned away from his. "He is a jerk and he doesn't deserve you. You're better off without him. I understand it's hard to see him again after so little time but you'll be fine."

The surrounding remained silent as no one moved.

"Usako, talk to me," he implored her. "Don't shut me out. I understand…"

"You understand?" she interrupted surprising him with the bitterness of her tone. "You think that you understand what it feels like?" she wrenched her arm from his grip as she backed away from him like a wary animal; her movements even now reminiscent of the gracefulness of a panther. The dress she wore twirled around her in the wind.

He watched her carefully and sensed that this was the barrier that had hindered him from truly reaching her and that this conversation would either make them or break them. He fervently prayed for the latter.

"Maybe I don't, but I want to," he answered softly.

Her eyes remained dry but her body language betrayed her as it screamed out for the world to see her hurt and anger.

"You think you would be able to understand?" the bitterness hadn't left her voice; the remains of crushed dreams and lost hopes.

"Fine, I'll tell you!" there was something wild in her eyes as she started pacing back and forth. "You know the basics of how we started going out and that we broke up, but you don't know why and you don't know the torture it caused me!" Her voice was almost a wail. "When we broke up it was an indescribable pain. Something kept tightly under control as it violently fights for its release." Her hand clutched at her heart as she remembered the anguish. "Do you know how many times I clasped my heart as if it could prolong its imprisonment in the cage I had surrounded it with to keep it from splitting into two?"

Mamoru wanted so much to make a move to touch her, to offer what comfort he could, but he sensed that she needed this release despite the pain it caused her. Her frantic breathing calmed down and the only sounds that could be heard were the birds.

Silence reigned as she calmed down but instead of her previous frantic movements they now turned tired, woeful and somehow broken; and it scared Mamoru more than her restlessness.

"I resent him," she declared quietly her eyes flashing dangerously at him. All the carefully constructed walls tumbled down as the raw hurt was finally released. "I resent him for making me suffer like this." The roses rustled in the zephyr as the sun silently bid its farewell until the next day.

His blue eyes widened slightly at the change he saw in her. 'How did she manage to hide this?' Mamoru thought as his heart constricted at her pain. The wind caressed the couple softly as if trying to sooth the woman's hurt.

Her eyes slowly filled with reluctant tears. "Do you have any idea of what it's like to watch as the affection of your partner daily dwindles into indifference? Watching the change yet not being to stop it?" her voice was shaking as she grabbed for the last remains of her composure yet failing as her voice rose. "Months! I had to watch the process for months!"

"Usako…" he held quiet as words eluded him. Never had he suspected that she was so tormented by her previous relationship. She was always smiling. His fatal mistake he realized. She concealed so much under a façade he only now recognized.

"I resent him for denying and prolonging it. I resent him for not being decisive enough to end it sooner," her voice became hushed. "I resent him for pretending everything was alright and making me doubt if anything he uttered in the relationship was true." Silent tears overflowed as all the hurt she had acquired was put into words.

Her tone of voice took on an edge he had never heard as her beautiful blue eyes hardened through her tears. "But most of all, I resent him for making me doubt if it's possible for anyone to truly love me or to love me for more than a few months."

Mamoru's eyes widened at her last proclamation. "Usako that's ridiculous!" he exclaimed loudly.

"Is it?" she asked softly. "I don't know anymore." Her eyes turned towards him and with a pang he realized that he had never seen her that vulnerable or lost. "God, help me. I don't know anymore."

The man cupped her face in his hands demanding her attention. "Usako you listen to me. That is beyond the most idiotic thing I've ever heard! You're fantastic, more than that!" Mamoru declared passionately. "It's impossible to _not_ love you! People are drawn to you for your laughter, your joy and your light! You're always surrounded by this…" he struggled to find the right words. "This _aura_ of friendliness. You have friends who would give their lives for you. Your family adores you! How can you even doubt that people can't love you?"

"I love my friends and family," she said before drawing a shaky breath. "But even to them I might at times hide things that are too personal. I just want a person who will love me even when I show him the unpleasant aspects of my personality. Who will stay by my side and be able to understand what I feel. Is that so much to ask?"

"He became so restless in my company, Mamo-chan," she confided in him. "It wasn't enough to just be with me. He wanted to hang out with others more and more and he became distant."

"What happens if I never find anyone who will be content to just be with me?" Usagi asked slowly as her fear finally came out in the open. "I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life."

Anger coursed through his veins as he at last realized how extent to which her ex had broken her. If he ever saw that jerk again he would gladly let his fists do the talking. He now understood the sometimes abrupt changes in demeanor she had and her insecurity when there was absolutely no need. All the moments when he had just thought her irrational, he comprehended with a sick feeling in his gut, stemmed from this.

"It felt like I was drowning," she continued oblivious to his thoughts. "And then you came. At first I tried to push you away since I assumed you were the same but you never tired and you never left me. I fought you, I truly did."

"Trust me, Usako, I know," Mamoru remarked wryly and his blue eyes held a glint of amusement.

"You knew? Then why?" she asked, her eyes still moist from her previous tears. "Why didn't you leave me?" They both understood the unsaid part. 'like everyone else?'

Mamoru's eyes darkened as his heart veritably shed tears of blood as he gazed at her. She was the very picture of sad innocence in her cute but elegant white summer dress with the faded rose pattern. How could she not understand?

"Because you're worth the fight Usako," he said quietly. "Because I can't stay away from you. I'm drawn to you in ways I don't fully understand. And you might find it hard to believe but I will never ever abandon you."

He inched closer to her as he finally took her in his embrace to offer his strength to her. Mamoru gently stroked her hair as he whispered soothing words to her.

"Trust me, Usako. Let me protect you. Let me cherish and take care of you."

Standing in his embrace Usagi desperately wanted to believe him but how could she? Last time she did it had ended in a nightmare. A nightmare that he had saved her from. But she knew with all certainty that she would never survive if he left her now.

He seemed to sense her inner turmoil and wisely decided not to push her.

"Let's go Usako," Mamoru said gently. "You'll freeze if we stay out any longer. Let's go to my place. I'll prepare some soup," he joked lightly with her as he referred to her obsession with having soup in the middle of the night.

Usagi turned thankful eyes to his. She rose on her tiptoes and quickly pressed a light kiss to his cheek before taking off.

"Catch me if you can Mamo-chan!" she cried teasingly as she ran away.

He stood there gazing at her form for a few seconds.

"I will Usako, and when I do, I'll never let you go," he vowed tenderly before starting the chase.

* * *

So what did you think?

Remember to review!!!!

Till next time,

Cathy Daine


End file.
